How to recover from emotionally abusive relationship with narcissists, sociopaths and other toxic peoples?
Psychopath Free
How to recover from emotionally abusive relationship with narcissists, sociopaths and other toxic peoples?
Spotting Toxic People
Your strengthened intuition is the greatest defense against a manipulative person. It is a skill that can never be exploited—and once learned, it will serve you a lifetime.
30 Red Flags
There are a lot of phenomenal studies on the traits and characteristics of psychopaths. A quick Internet search will lead you to them. The red flags in this book are intended to supplement these resources.
So what’s different about this list? Well, for one, it’s specifically about relationships. But it’s also about you. Each point requires introspection and self awareness.
Because if you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely on their behavior—that’s only half the battle. You must also come to recognize the looming red flags in your own heart. Then you will be ready for anything.
1. Gaslighting and crazy-making.
They become dismissive and critical if you attempt to disprove their fabrications with facts. Instead of them actually addressing their inappropriate behavior, somehow it always becomes your fault for being
“sensitive” and “crazy.” Toxic people condition you to believe that the problem isn’t the abuse itself, but instead your reactions to their abuse.
2. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s, for that matter.
You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly. You slowly learn not to communicate your feelings with them, because you’re usually met with silence or annoyance.
3. The ultimate hypocrite. “Do as I say, not as I do.”
They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, criticize, and manipulate. But you are expected to remain perfect, otherwise you will promptly be replaced and deemed unstable.
4. Pathological lying and excuses.
There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies
faster than you can question them. They constantly blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it. Even when caught in a lie, they express no remorse or embarrassment. Oftentimes, it almost seems as if they wanted you to
catch them.
5. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own.
If they’re two hours late, don’t forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their inappropriate behavior, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you. You might begin to adopt perfectionist qualities, very aware that any mistake can and will be used
against you.
6. You find yourself explaining
the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man or woman. Normal people understand fundamental concepts like honesty and kindness. Psychopaths often appear to be childlike and innocent, but don’t let this mask fool you. No adult should need to be told how he or she is making other people feel.
7. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention.
They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s
soul.
8. Accuses you of feeling emotions that they are intentionally provoking.
They call you jealous after blatantly flirting with an ex—often done over social networking for the entire world to see. They call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for days on end. They use your manufactured reactions to garner sympathy from other targets, trying to prove how “hysterical” you’ve become. You probably once considered yourself to be an exceptionally easygoing person, but an encounter with a psychopath will (temporarily) turn that notion upside down.
9. You find yourself playing detective.
It’s never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you’re investigating the person you once trusted unconditionally. If they’re active on Facebook, you start scrolling back years on their posts and albums. Same with their ex. You’re seeking answers to a feeling you can’t quite explain.
10. You are the only one who sees their true colors.
No matter what they do, they always seem to have a fan club cheering for them. The psychopath uses these people for money, resources, and attention—but the fan club won’t notice, because this person strategically distracts them with shallow praise. Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than relationships.
11. You fear that any fight could be your last.
Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially ones regarding their behavior. Any of your attempts to improve communication will typically result in the silent treatment. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise you know they’ll lose interest in you.
12. Slowly and steadily erodes your boundaries.
They criticize you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. They smirk when you try to express yourself. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and abilities.
If you point this out, they call you sensitive and crazy. You might begin to feel resentful and upset, but you learn to push away those feelings in favor of maintaining the peace.
The 10X Rule
The Only Difference Between Success and Failure
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NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please
or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might
accomplish the opposite—inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear
more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.
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Stories of Personal Triumph
from the Frontiers of Brain Science
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